I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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