ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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