I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
