Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
