i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
