You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
