Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
