When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
