He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
