Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
