I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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