My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
