halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
