So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
did i walk over a car last night?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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