I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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