So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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