Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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