i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
