If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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