I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
