I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
