the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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