Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
