Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The best revenge is premature balding
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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