Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
