I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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