I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
