This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
