I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
