dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
