the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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