Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
