I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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