Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
