I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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