Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
