Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
