my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
of course. lets lasso hookers.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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