I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
