I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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