I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My balls are so social today.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
