Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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