Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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