i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
