Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
