the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
