god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
