Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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