3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
