His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
