she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
