Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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