I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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