My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
