We named our party play list daddy issues
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Randomize
