You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
