True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
