Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize