I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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