I cockslap morals
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
