I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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