You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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