JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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