dude i'm inner monologue high
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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