Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
