i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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