you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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